Welcome to my home page. It is the second most boring internet page in existance. I mean the whole internet. Due to popular inquisition, I will be posting the top 5 boring sites, and these will be updated weekly. #5. The Non-Professional Soccer Ball Restoration homepage. Abner from Lewiston Montana spoke to me at length in a candid tell-all interview on this hidden American past time. JB- What exatly was your aim in restoring these non-professional soccer balls. Abner-"It all started around the age of 2 when my father ,in a fit of rage, at his physical peak, struck me directly in the forehead with my brand new soccer ball". " It struck me so hard that one of the black marked octagons rubbed off on my little head, leaving me with a life long tatoo, and a defaced soccer ball". " I couldn't just sit there and let this happen without standing up and having my voice not be heard". "I had to do something". JB- It sounds like you where struck pretty hard. ABNER- " I cant remember how to perform basic motor functions with my body at times, and what worsened this was that my father insisted on calling me "His Little Goalie". "Not a Christmas goes by around the family discussion table without the mention of the "BLOCK HEARD ROUND THE WORLD" as grandma recounts it". "His little head whipped back like a true champion, and in that moment, I knew this kid was special". JB- O.K................So tell me what your philosophy is with the soccer ball itself. ABNER- I try to come as close as I can to truly recapturing the essence that the origional artist had in mind for the soccer ball". "Every last one of them speaks to you in a different manner, and I cant rest until I feel my interpretation is close to exact". JB- That's amazing! In closing I saw his one hundred fifty plus reconstrutions, and ALOT of empty beer cans. Remarkable man. EDITOR------- #4. The ripped green jacket collectors home page. "It was a time in my marriage when I wasn't performing well in the "You know what" area" stated Mike from Detroit Michigan. "My marriage as a result was suffering". "My wife was really nice about it at first, but it took it's toll after about 6 months". "She started calling me things like "Limpy" and "Gimp". "She would say stuff to the kids like "Hey kids, here comes daddy Limpy", and "Hey, dont ask your dad to hold his arms up over his head and pretend like he is the field goal, because he wont be able to keep it up." So I did a brave thing. I asked my friend "Kennith" about it. He told me that he had the same problem and he had a simple solution. "Do you own a green jacket?" "Why, yes I do" I stated. "Doctor's have stated that tearing a portion of your green jacket improves sex drive in men 600%". "I was skeptical at first, but I decided to give it a try". "I went home and ripped my jacket right at the pocket". "I noticed a change immediately". "It was like I was 20 again". If you dont beleive me, just listen to my wifes recount." Mike was horrible in bed". "Then he tried a proceedure that one of his friends Kennith had told him about". "Mike is a new man, it's like he's unleashed an animal that was waiting inside of him"."No you dont understand, quite literally, he waits in hiding in places with this ratty, torn, green jacket". "His favorite thing to do is wait over a door sill, suspended from the ceiling, and drop down on me when I least expect it". See even she likes it. I have seven green jacket's all that are viewable on my site. Enjoy, and Cheers to your NEW LIFE!!!!!!!!! That was disturbing.#3 The plastic comb collectors home page. 8000 plastic combs sound good to you? This controversial web site explains the far reaching advances of in the last 14 years, and goes into an in depth expose' on the advantages of comb use against brushes. A must see.#2. Again you are here. I have pretty much solidified this spot and am very proud of that fact. Feel free to use this page as a seditave, and please please do not use with MOI inhibitor's. Lesa did, and she had trouble with her sound man. #1. Again, The glue consistancy home page. A small town in the Mid-West erected a site which makes known the fact that they closely monitor their cities glue shipments because of an elleged shipment that was quote"Just too sticky" end quote. I am contesting this in a court to see the validity of this, and to see if I can uproot this solid number one and take over for the most boring page in existance. Fingers crossed.

I played upright in Noas band on the Ark. It was called the "Ark of Making Whoopie". It was mostly R&B mixed with ballads. That's where R&B came from, because like no other time in the history of the world, it was manditory to be in the quote"Mood". Also I attend Music Tech in Minneapolis, Minnesota and Study under the 3 best teachers of all time. Terry Burns, Dan Breeze, and Jay Young.

Musical Influences

• Victor Wooten, Buddy Holly, and Jene Simmons. Oh yeah Richard Simmons to.
• The above was just a joke
• Dan Breeze, Jay Young, and Terry Burns.

Favorite Recordings

• Any thing by the Torso's. The X-files disc one, by Brand X. And reliving the 80's by various artists. No not really
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