Okay, I know this is not a cooking site
(obviously) but for us Americans at least,
Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching, in many cases
with much trepidation for both cooks and diners.
Both are wondering if the meal will be good. And
what is the hardest Turkey Day item to
consistently cook perfectly? The turkey, of
course. So I am posting this in the hope of saving
some meals that might otherwise be ruined, or at
least not very good.

I grew up wondering why anyone would ever want to
try to choke down such a dry, stringy bird at all,
much less for a holiday meal. And if anyone
offered me a turkey sandwich, I would refuse,
thinking they must really dislike me to try to fob
off such horrible leftovers on me.

Okay, you guessed it. My mother was an awful cook,
at least when it came to turkey. And to add insult
to injury, she didn't know how to make gravy, so
we weren't even given that lubrication that might
have helped the sawdust-like meat to slide down
our throats.

Since every bit of turkey I'd ever had was like
that,even as a young adult I never ate turkey.
Anywhere. I never even bought turkey lunch meat.
Then one Thanksgiving day,a miracle happened.

I had been invited to a gal's parent's house for
Thanksgiving, and had once again resigned myself
to politely choking down that awful bird meat, and
probably would have had to, too. But the most
wonderful thing happened. The power went off after
the bird had been in the oven for a little over an
hour. And it stayed off. So, not knowing what else
to do, the gal's mother just left the turkey in
the non-powered oven for hours. And hours.

And you know what? Even though when the bird
finally came out I was hungry enough to eat my
spare tire, the turkey was moist, tender, juicy,
and wonderful. I was astonished. And I learned
that turkey could be pretty doggone good, even
though everyone I had encountered before seemed to
ruin it. So after that, I went about learning how
I could make the perfect turkey.

The thing I discovered is that most people seem to
follow the formula "X time at X temp per pound."
On the face of it, this might seem like it would
work, but there are a couple of important factors
this formula completely ignores. The first is the
temperature of the bird when it goes into the
oven. The second is when you have your oven set to
325 or 350 (Fahrenheit) how hot is it, on average,
really? Most people have no idea. Compound this by
the fact that most turkeys take several hours to
cook, and the final result ends up being a real
crap-shoot. One year you might really luck out,
and produce a good turkey. And then there might be
a few years after that when people will eat your
bird, and be happy enough, but then sit and
reminisce. "You remember that turkey we had four
years ago? Now that was a really good bird."

A lot of people figure it is the quality of the
bird that makes the difference, but this is really
not the case. Well, in one sense it is, but my
point is that almost all of the commercially
available birds have the potential to make a good
dinner, if they are cooked properly. You really
can have a great turkey dinner using one of the
twenty cent per pound birds your local supermarket
offers as T-day nears.

So, what's the secret, you ask? It is really
surprisingly simple. Cook your bird to
temperature, not by time. "Oh," you say, " I do.I
always pull it out as soon as that little plunger
thingie pops up." Well, yes, this is indeed
cooking to temperature. The problem is that the
plunger thingie pops up long after the bird is
done. About twenty degrees, in fact. They pop up
at about 185 degrees, the bird should come out of
the oven at 165 degrees. Also. since the thing
makes no noise when it pops up, how do you really
know when it did unless you are just sitting there
staring at it?

Now to the "importenest tool." I use a digital
probe thermometer, the kind that has a "brain"
that stays outside the oven, and a probe on a wire
that stays in the bird inside the oven. I stick
the probe in the thigh, and set the brain to beep
when the probe says it has reached 165 degrees.
When it beeps, I pull the bird out of the oven,
tent it with foil, and go about preparing the side
dishes. A large turkey can rest this way for at
least 45 minutes without getting cold, and what is
more, anything you have roasted should rest in
order for the juices to redistribute through the
meat. Once I am done with the side dishes, the
turkey is ready to carve, and when it is carved
the juices stay in the meat instead of running all
over the cutting board. And my turkeys are
consistently juicy and tender.

Now, this temperature may result in some red in
the meat right near the bones in the thighs and
legs, especially in younger (smaller) birds. This
is perfectly normal and acceptable. Things like
salmonella die instantly at 165 degrees. I realize
some people just have it ingrained in them that
any red at all means the bird is dangerously
undercooked. I feel sorry for them, because they
will never experience a juicy, tender, and
wonderful bird.

If this is of any interest at all to anyone, I
also have tips about gravy. :)