I have heard a lot of bass player jokes. I am sure that you have too. But these are some of the funnier ones that I have come across. Yes, I hang around with musicians.
(see below - that's me)

Bass Player Jokes

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a bass player's arm?
A: A tattoo.

Q: What's the difference between a bass player and a puppy?
A: The puppy will stop whining after a couple of months.

Q: How do you know when the stage is level?
A: When the bass player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

Q: What do you call two fretless bassists playing in unison?
A: A minor second.

Q: Why don't bass players ever catch a cold?
A: Even a virus has some pride.

Q: What did the bassist do when he was told to turn on his amp?
A: He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A Bass Player. (that's me alright)

Q: Why can't many bass players get through the door?
A: They either can't find the key or don't know when to come in.

Son: "Daddy, I want to grow up and be a bass player."
Father: "Son, you can't have it both ways. "

Q: Why don't bass players ever catch a cold?
A: Even a virus has some pride.

Q: What did the bass player get on his IQ test?
A: Drool.

Q: What's the difference between a bass player and a mutual fund?
A: One matures.

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1...5...1... (1...4...5...5...1)

Q: How do you make a bassist's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in his ear.

Q: How do you tell if a bass player is actually dead?
A: Hold out a check. (But don't be fooled: a slight, residual spasmodic clutching action may occur even hours after death has occurred.)

Q: Why are there bass solos?
A: So the audience has something to talk over.

Q: How do you tell if a bass player is actually dead?
A: Hold out a check (but don't be fooled: a slight, residual spasmodic clutching action may occur even hours after death has occurred).

Q: What's the difference between a bass player and a toilet?
A: A toilet only has to take crap from one butthole at a time.